Sunday, May 23, 2010

life lessons.

I am a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot for waiting this long. I'm a fucking idiot for liking a girl like that. I'm a fucking idiot because I don't learn, and I'm a fucking idiot because I'm already realizing I probably won't learn this lesson this soon.

I'm a fucking idiot for feeling like this.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

cold enough to hustle shit to kids.

I miss having problems that I could use to update this once or twice a week, and feel like I was accomplishing something. I miss that long character arc of mine, giving me a purpose that I felt like I could work towards. I miss having ambitions and a life goal.

It seems like all I do these days is attempt to tune girls, get high, listen to music, and occasionally write some god-awful music for my god-awful band. And really, National Sunday Law Crisis doesn't take that much writing. My short-story project is seeming dead for the time being with no new material coming out of my head, NSLC is at a dead-end for creating right now, my girls situation is at a point where I really have to make a decision, and all the music I've been listening to lately, save some exceptions, is just guys my age or slightly older complaining about similar problems to what I'm doing right now.

This week is crunch week. It's supposed to be crunch week for university work, of which I have a LOT due in this week. This is not the context I am using it in; my university work will be forced in at the last minute, and I'll get pass marks. No, this is crunch week for me for an entirely different reason; I have to make a decision on which girl I like the most. I've safely evicted one of them out of the three possibilities I currently have in an unusual, non-self-destructive action through realizing that she's only going to be bad for me, and the fact I'd have competition if I kept it up with a prize that doesn't match the effort expended at all. However, the choice I have left is minimal effort against putting in more effort than I have all year for what would probably be a better option.

Knowing me, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't choose either.